Hello again dear friends! Here is my story for the prompt Imp Herder. It’s also a first drafter so feel free to demolish it with your harshness. Be sure to do the prompt too if you’re interested! The video after the story.
My name is Ted, and I’m a demon.
Now before you get your panties in a bundle I’ll have you know I’m not such a bad guy, most of us aren’t so bad. Sure there’s the daily diet of miscarried babies and the occasional bathing in the blood of virgin olive oil (good for the skin makes it glow), but aside from that we’re just like your average everyday bloke. We get up, we eat fetus sausage, and we get to work.
And I don’t really mind my job either. Seven days a week, I get up early at the crack of the underkin whip, and get to work managing my imps. They can get places, sure, but usually they find a thing or two that’s worth a pretty penny here in the underworld. Like the one time little Castellain brought back Caesar’s nipple ring. Bet you didn’t know he had one. Sold it for my house, I did.
Yeah it’s a lovely place to be here. The perpetual twilight, the constant bickering, the incessant moaning of the rape of rapists, the screams of Hitler getting flayed alive by a thousand children he had gassed. It’s beautiful.
Oh the Imps? Well they fetch a good price at the lender. A good Imp would bring in at about 300 pounds a job for your usual stuff: hiding socks, replacing wallet pictures of kids with evidence of adultery- your usual binge. They sell good too.
No, no I wouldn’t sell little Castellain here. He brings me too much. Did I mention Caesar’s nipple rings? What a lovely little bastard he is, eh? Once kicked my wife square in the balls. Oh we laughed, we did.
Excuse me? No I would not let him into the house are you insane? He’s an imp not a person! What is wrong with you? Absolutely mad! You can’t let an imp into the house- they’ll frame you for murdering your kids and molesting your dog’s chew toys and then confess to the crimes dressed as you on facebook live! I heard them I don’t bloody let them in.
What was that? You say he’s in my house now? Who is. Castellain, nonsense don’t be…
Oh dear.. This whole time has he?
Oh my.. Oh and he’s already done the livestream? Oh the Underkin is going to have a ruffle with me at the shareholders meeting I’ll tell you that..