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ABK Stories

Baseball Life

****This is not a happy story. Do not expect rainbows****

“She thinks you’re nothing but a worthless ball of guilt and problems.”

Marcus blinked. Who said that? Wait, he thought, wait if Jeff were here could he have heard that? He looked around. No, so then they were in his head. Why? Had he forgotten his medication? Why did they come back, after so long? He tried to focus on the block, tried to shave off the pieces that didn’t belong.

“You know what doesn’t belong? You, Marcus. You’re fat, lazy, just better off dead. In fact, I hope someone comes here and cuts you right off the face of the earth- I hope they throw you in a ditch like the pile of garbage you really are. You’re nothing but camel spit- all green and no substance. Filthy shit- brained-“

Getting the nose just right was never easy. He sliced firm into the wood- hoping he wouldn’t lose his grip and slice his hand. Then he took the flat of the blade and shaved at the top and bottom and out came a nose. Just like that.

“You should get a bigger knife so I can carve out your guts, pig.”

“Hahaha! Oink Oink little piglet, squeal while we chew your entrails!”

“Chew them? Oh I can think of better things for a little piglet like Marcus.”

He chipped around the eye with his pick. Eyes, as his mother always said, have a symmetry to them and a balance of direction. How was she? She must be so far away at home in the Ward. Was she carving now too? Was she wondering what to make of her little Baseball Champion off to school? All grown up he was, trying to keep his balance to avoid giving the boy a wonky eye.

“Your mother’s a bitch- a bitchy little whore. You know how much your dad paid for her? A nickel! That’s how much of a whore she is, a nickel and he got to bust in there. I’ve got ten cents, you think she’ll let me cut her stomach while I make another little shit like you? If I go deep enough I can watch my sperm conceive”

He made his way to the chin and wished he had decided on a beard. But boys don’t have beards. They have chins- bare chins that barely need shaving like this boy does. He was the barber for the world champs. He was giving this boy a life he could never have. And listened as the wood shaved off.

He moved on up to the hat, grew for the baseball boy some hair for his baseball life. Soon the boy sprouted arms, and legs- ready for a wide swing. A wide swing for a baseball boy and his baseball life. No voices for a baseball boy, no a baseball boy has a baseball life and he hears no voices and he plays baseball.

“I can’t wait to see what your legs look like after I hit them with my bat. Mangled noodles? I’d pick you up and watch you scream under your own weight. And when you pass out I’ll give you a nickel and some cum too just like your whore mother. Whore whore whore whore WHORE WHORE WHORE…”

He’d always wanted a baseball life “WHORE!”, a little baseball life where dads didn’t hit moms “WHORE!” and where no one said nasty things. He wanted that peace and quite of the nine innings, the bursts of laughter and energy with a sprint to the bases. This he thought of while he sanded the little boy down. How great it would have been to be a baseball boy.

_____________

How’s that for a 100th post? From this story could you guess what Marcus is struggling with? Leave your guesses in the comments below. How do you feel about this story? Could you live like Marcus?
What should I write about next?

I can’t believe after all this time we’ve finally made it to 100 posts! Here’s to another thousand.

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Keep reading and writing my friends. I value each and every one of you.

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12 Comments

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I feel like this is a test, which always makes me a little nervous. But, if you want me to tell you what I think about Marcus….

The way the voicds are described, Marcus appears to interpret the voices as originating outside of his own mind, rather than as identifying them as part of his own (critical and threatening) thought process. In this way, we might (MIGHT) infer he has schizophrenia or some kind of psychotic disorder, and if his mum is in hospital, it’s possible that she also suffers from a mental health difficulty….

BUT

I didn’t feel like it was a pyschotic disorder, but more likely an internalised threatening narrative from an abusive father. Possibly a post-traumatic flashback, or even more simply, memories of what his father had done. His mother may be in hospital as a result of this.

In the story, it seems like Marcus copes by way of projecting his fantasies of a different and idealised life onto the carving that he is making. Perhaps it is a source of emotional release for him, or in some ways helps him manage his grim realities.

Living like Marcus, would be so full of so many challenges, fear, uncertainty, doubt, everyday tasks and relationships likely to be so difficult. He needs love and support, instead he is tormented with these voices….

So, those are my thoughts after an initial reading of this. I think I probably missed some elements… You probably weren’t hoping for the beginnings of a case formulation or diagnosis, but, you asked us to guess!!! I would hate to foreclose or jump to conclusions abiut Marcus. Diagnosis is dangerous territory if it stigmatises or puts people in boxes, but can be useful if it helps in understanding or supporting some one.

Anyway, really enjoyed this story, and the invitation to ramble on as I just have. WP had turned off my notifications for your page, so I missed a few posts I think! Between that and defriending you from me, it’s a wonder we ever see each other’s posts!! But I’m so glad we have.

Keep writing, you are a giver of happy everything to many.

What’s with WP taking away our notifications?!

Must be some silly glitch.

Anyway- you got it right on the money, as I hoped (knew) you would! Marcus definitely seems to be suffering from schizophrenia which probably started causing symptoms when he was in high school. I see him as a college student though I don’t really know where he is, and originally I had thought he was carving the baseball boy for a potential lover, but I think you’re right about him and his mother using it to cope with what they’re going through.

I know what you mean about diagnoses. Especially when it comes to schizophrenia and its stigmatized existence in most cultures as a dangerous mental illness, when really most schizophrenics with positive symptoms like Marcus has are at the worst a danger to themselves.

Sorry to have put you on a test, but it is finals week here after all! You nailed it!
My last final is tomorrow and I’ll be a productive member of society again in 48 hours time.

Keep writing my friend, you are a bringer of beauty to every WP feed. Cheers.

Oh!!! I’m pleased I scored ok on this test, and I’m sure you’ll score more than ok on your finals!! Best of luck, you can rejoin the non-final related world very soon!!

Congratulations with your 100 posts 🙂 You are right this is not a happy story. You’re lines are creative indeed. I wish I can write like you 🙂

You are so nice! Thank you.

It makes me happy for you to say that because I really don’t think my writing is any good especially when compared to bloggers like you!

Keep writing my friend!

My friend, You are good. And to remind you I am no good writer lol. I can’t write stories like you guys or poetry, I just write what I see and feel. 🙂

Tell me what you think!

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